Why Cajuns have to keep their doors locked!!

A few things to know about Louisiana:

1)Possums sleep in the middle of the road with their feet in the air.

2)There are 5,000 types of snakes, and 4,998 live in Louisiana. 

3)There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 live in Louisiana, plus  a couple that nobody has seen before.

4)Squirrels will eat anything.

5)Unknown critters love to dig holes under tomato plants.

6)Raccoons will test your crop of melons and let you know when they are ripe.

7)If it grows, it sticks; if it crawls, it bites.  

8)A tractor is NOT an all-terrain vehicle. They do get stuck.  

9)Onced and Twiced are words.  

10)It is not a shopping cart, it is a buggy.  

11)Fire ants consider you their picnic.  

12)People actually grow and eat okra.  

13)"Fixinto" is one word.  

14)There ain't no such thing as "lunch." There's "dinner" and then there's "supper."  

15)Sweet tea is appropriate for all meals, and you start drinking it when you're two.  

16)Backwards and forwards" means, "I know everything about you."

17)Jeet?" is actually a phrase meaning "Did you eat?"  

18)You don't have to wear a watch because it doesn't matter what time it is, you work until you're done or it's too dark to see.

 You know you're from Louisiana if:  

1)You measure distance in minutes.

2)You've ever had to switch from heat to air conditioning in the same day. 

3)You see a car running in a store parking lot with no one in it no matter what time of the year.  

4)You use "fix" as a verb. Example: I am fixing to go to the store.

5) All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, insect , animal or seafood

6)You install security lights on your house and garage and leave bothunlocked.

7)You carry jumper cables in your car. for your OWN car.  

8)You only own two spices:  Tony’s and Tabasco.  

9)The local papers cover national and international news on one page and six pages for local gossip and sports.  

10)You think that the first day deer season is a national holiday.

11)You find 100 degrees Fahrenheit "a little warm."  

12)You know all four seasons: almost summer, summer, still summer, andChristmas.  

13)Going to Wal-mart is a favorite past time known as "Goin'  to da Wal-Marts" or "Off to Wally World'."

14)You describe the first cool snap (below 70 degrees) as good gumbo weather.

15)A carbonated soft drink isn't a soda, cola, or pop...it's a Coke,regardless of brand or flavor. Example: "What kinna coke you want?"  

16)Fried Catfish is the other white meat. 

Bird Huntin’

  One day Hebert, the game warden saw Thibodeaux coming out of da woods with a dead owl.  Hebert axe Thibodeaux, ”Mais Thib, don't you know it's against da law to shoot an owl?  What you gonna do wit dat owl?"  Thibodeaux says, “Mais Hebert, I gonna eat it.”  Hebert axe him, ”Mais Thib, what it taste like?”  Thibodeaux replies, “kinda like a bald eagle.”

Lil’ Prairie Friday Stew

  Lil’ Prairie is twenty minutes South of Kaplan, La. on Louisiana Hwy. 35. On da way to Lil’ Prairie Huntin' Club on Friday evenin’, we always bring a can of orange flourescent spray paint.  On da way down we spray all da roadkills we see on da road with da orange paint.  Den we go to da Lil’ Prairie Lounge and enjoy a cool six pack.  After an hour or two, we send a designated driver to Kaplan to gather all da roadkills without da orange spray paint.  In dis way, we assured of fresh meat for supper, using da followin’ procedure:  Clean da game ~ drink more beer.  Cook Road Kill Stew ~ drink more beer.  Enjoy ~~ with beer.

Thibodeaux da Fisherman.

  Thibodeaux was stopped by da game warden in South Louisiana recently with two ice chests full of fish leavin’ a bayou well known for it's fishin’. The game warden axe Thibodeaux, "Do you have a license to catch dose fish?" Thibodeaux replied "Naw, ma fren, I ain't got none of dem, no. Dese here are my pet fish." "Pet fish?" Axe da game warden. Thibodeaux said "Ya, avery night I take dese here fish down to da bayou and let dem swim 'round for a while. Den I whistle and dey jump rat back inta dis here ice chest and I take dem home." Da game warden replied. "Dat's a bunch of hooey! Fish can't do dat!" Thibodeaux looked at him for a moment and den said, "It's da truth ma' fren. I'll show you. It really works." "Okay, I've GOT to see dis!" Said da game warden. Thibodeaux poured da fish into da bayou and stood and waited. After several minutes, the game warden turned to Thibodeaux and said,
"Well?" "Well, what?" Said Thibodeaux. "When are you going to call dem back?" Replied da game warden. "Call who back?" Said Thibodeaux. "The FISH!" Said da game warden. Thibodeaux replied, "What fish?"

 
Boudreaux's close shave

  Boudreaux enters Thibodeaux's barbershop for a shave. While Thibodeaux is foaming him up, Boudreaux mentions da problems he has gettin' a close shave around the cheeks. Thibodeaux said, "Mais, I'm got just the ting", taking a small wooden ball from a nearby drawer. "Just place dis between your cheek and gum." Boudreaux places the ball in his mouth and Thib proceeds with da closest shave Boudreaux has ever experienced. After a few strokes, Boudreaux axe, " Mais, what if I swallow it ?"
"No problem," says Thibodeaux. "Just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else does."

Ice Fishin’

  Boudreaux and Thibodeaux go ice fishin'. They stop at a store on da side of da road and axe da cashier where dey can go ice fishin'. The cashier says “There is a frozen lake across the road and I got bait and ice picks to break the ice to fish.” An hour later Boudreaux goes to the store to buy some more ice picks. He tells da cashier “I want all da ice picks you have.” The guy says “Are you all catching alot of fish?” Boudreaux says “Catching a lot of fish! We didnt even launch da boat yet.”

 
Clothes Shoppin’

  Boudreaux and Thibodeaux from Louisiana are visitin' a relative at da Huntsville, Texas prison. Walkin' along Sam Houston Street, dey see a sign which reads: 'Suits $5.00 each, shirts $2.00 each, trousers $2.50 per pair. Boudreaux says to his pal, "Hey Thib, LOOK! We could buy a whole lot of dat, and when we get back to Lafayette, we could make a fortune. Now Thib, you be quiet, okay? Jus' let me do all da talkin' cause if  dey hear our Cajun accent dey might not serve us. I'll speak in my  best Texas drawl." They go in and Boudreaux orders 50 suits at 5.00 each, 100 shirts at 2.00 each and 50 pairs of trousers at 2.50 each. The owner of the shop says, "You're from Louisiana, aren't you?" "Kee-ogh.... yes," says a surprised Boudreaux. "How come you know dat?" The owner says, "Cause this is a dry-cleaners."

 
Cajun Airlines

   Pierre and Boudreaux was flyin' Cajun Airlines to da Mardi Gras. Boudreaux was flyin' da plane, and Pierre was in da back foolin wit da cargo equipment an stuff. Da plane hit some turbulence an started bouncin' around and Boudreaux got knock unconscious. Den da plane start driftin. Pierre come run up to da front an Boudreaux was sprawl out all over da steerin wheel. Well, Pierre don't know nuttin bout flyin' an he start to get panaky. He grab da microphone and holla "May Day! May Day! Dis is Cajun Air Line 90210. Boudreaux, him knock unconscious an I don know nuttin about flyin dis plane!" "Dis is da control tower," someone answer. "Don you worry a bout nuttin. We gonna splain how you to land dis plane, step by step, ah gar-own-tee! Jus leave anyting ta us. Fus, how high you are, an whasyou position?" Pierre thought a minute, den say, "I'm five foot ten an I'm all da way to da front of da plane."
No! No!" answer da tower. "What you altitude, an where you location?" Pierre say, "Man, rat now ah got a po attitude, an ah'm from Thibodeaux, Laweezeeanna!" "No! No! No!" came an exasperated voice. "Ah needs to know how many feet you got off da groun an how you plane in relation to da airport!" Pierre, he start to panic by dis time. He say, "Countin Boudreaux's feets an mine togedder, we got fo feet off da groun an I don believe dis plane related to you airport!" A long pause ----- de silence was deafanin.
"We needs to know whoo you next of kin.."

 Boudreaux an Tibodeaux da carpenters

   Boudreaux an Tibodeaux was workin on a house. Tibodeaux was nailin' down sidin' an would reach in his nail pouch, pull out a nail an eidar toss it over his shoulder or nail it in. Boudreaux kept watchin' an wen he couldn't stan it no more he decide to axe wat in da worl Tibodeaux was doin'. Boudreaux axe "Why you throwin away dem nails for, heh?" Tibodeaux say, "Mais, if Ah pull a nail out of mah pouch
an it's point toward me, Ah trow it away 'cause it's defektive. If it's point toward da house, den Ah nail it in!" Boudreaux got really upset an yell, "Mais, you some kind of stupid! Da nails pointed toward you ain't defective! Dey for da udder side of da house!"

 
Longevity

   Boudreaux went to his doctor to get a chek up an he ax de doctor, "Doc, do you tink Ah might live to be a hunnret years ole?" Da doctor ax Boudreaux, "Mr. Boudreaux, do you smoke or drink?" "Mais non," Boudreaux say, "I don't do dat." Da Doc say, "Do you gamble, drive fas pickup trucks, an fool aroun wit women?" "Mais non, Ah ain't never done any of dose tings neither." "Well den," say da doctor, "why in da worl do you want to live to be a hunnret years ole?"

 
Lunchtime

   Boudreaux and Thibodeaux dey work togetter. One day, dey sit down to eat when Boudreaux pull out dis long round plastic ting out his lunch box. Thibodeaux say, "May, Boudreaux, what dat is you got? He tell Thiboudeaux, "Dat's someting new dey come out wit. It what you call a Termis Bottle." So he ask, "A Termis Bottle,what dat do?" Boudreaux say, "May, you put someting hot in it an it keep it hot. You put somting cold an it keep it cold." Thibodeaux reply, "What dey gonna tink of next? What you got in dat Termis Bottle?" Boudreaux say, "A cup of soup an two pop cicle!"

 
Aligator signs

   Boudreaux wuz sittin in his favorit waterin hole sippin a few of dem pops wit da foam on top wen in walk his ole buddy Tibodeaux. Tibodeaux ax, "Hey, Boudreaux, ma frien, did you here da news dat da Louisiana Department of Wilelife jus came out wit?" Boudreaux say, "Mais, no, Ah shore didn't. Wat did dey come out wit?" "Dey say dat dere are so many aligators now in Louisiana dat dey advisin hikers, hunters, fishermen, an anybody dat's gonna be outdoors to take special precaushuns." Boudreaux ax, " Wat kinda precaushuns dey say we suppose to take?" "Mais," Tibodeaux say,"Dey want people to wear lil bells on dere clothin to alert da aligators but not to scare dem. Dey also say you should carry sum of dat pepper spray in case you see a gator." Boudreaux say, "Mais, dat don't sound like too bad a ideer to me. Wat else do dey say bout this." "Dey say people should watch for fresh gator sign an should learn to tell da diffence between young gator droppins an large adult gator droppins." Mais, did dey say wat's da difference between young gator droppins and large adult gator droppins?" Tibodeaux say, "Dey say young gator droppins is small an contain fish bones an sometimes bird feathers an tings like dat. Large adult gator droppins contain lil bells and smell like pepper spray!"
 

Boudreaux in Heven

   Boudreaux, Thibodeaux, an Robichaux was standin' at de gates of heven. Saint Peter met dem an he axe, "Wat would you like to hear your relativs an friedns say at your funeral?" Robichaux say, "Ah was a well known heart doctor an Ah would love to hear someone say how Ah operate on dey heart an save dey life an gave dem a secont chance."  Thibodeaux say, "Me, Ah was a school teacher an Ah shore would like to here someone say dat Ah was de one who made a diference in dey life an taut  them to be a success." Boudreaux, him, he say. "You bote was grate men, an dose tings are reely grate, but me, if Ah had mah choice, Ah would rather here someone say, "LOOK, HE'S MOVIN!"

 
Yella Dog

   Thibodeaux was sittin in his favorite barroom drinkin wen in comes a fella wit one of dem pit bull dog wit a spike colar. Da man come up to da bar an holler out, "Mah name is Simoneaux an Ah'm reddy to bet anyting dat Ah got me a dog dat will wip any udder dog in da worl. Thibodeaux say, "Mais, chere, I will bet you one hunred dollars dat you dog can't beat mah german shepherd police dog which is right outside. Simoneaux say, "You got a bet." An dey all went outside where da two dogs growled at each oder a bit an Simoneaux's  pit bull grabbed Thibodeaux's german shepherd by da troat an shook him to det. Thibodeaux pay up his bet an say, "Mais gollee, dat's de firs time any dog ever beat mah dog." Dey go back inside an drink a few more beers, an Simoneaux say, "I will be back tomorrow at dis same time if anybody else wants to try to wip mah pit bull. A lil wile latter Boudreaux come in to have him a beer… Thibodeaux say, "Boudreaux, mah frien, a fella's pit bull don killed mah police dog an he say he can kill any dog in da worl." Boudreaux say, "Mais, Thibodeaux, Ahm shore sorry for you dat you lost you bes dog, but dat's not true bout his pit bull bein able to wip any dog in da worl.  I bet one tousan dollars his pit bull can't kill mah yella dog." Thibodeaux say, "Simoneaux say he will be here agin tomorrow." Boudreaux say, "Ah.ll be here wit mah yella dog." Da next day in come Simoneaux wit da same pit bull dog an Boudreaux is waitin' for him. Before Simoneaux can say a word, Boudreaux say, "Ah bet you one tousan dollars dat you pit bull dog can't wip mah  yella dog." Simoneaux say, "You got youself a bet." An dey go outsde.  An dere tied to da telefone pole is da ugliest yella dog you never did see. Dat dog take one look at da pit bull dog an wit one lunge he grab dat pit bull dog an bit his head off. Simoneaux say, "Mais, Ah ain't never seen nuttin like dat before. Wat kine of dog is dat an wat's his name?" Boudreaux say, "Ah jus call him "dog" an Ah dunno wat kine of dog he is, but before Ah cut off his tale an paint him yella he was a alligator.

 
To butter or not to butter

   Boudreaux and Tibodeaux wuz in Baton Rouge on sum crawfish business an dey wuz eatin brekfas at da hotel. Boudreaux, him, he wuz jus sittin dere lookin at his toste on da plate an lookin like he had a grate big dicishun to make. Tibodeaux ax, "Mais, Boudreaux, mah frien, why you so serious? Wat you tinkin bout?" Boudreaux say, " Ah like butter on mah bread, but Ah'm on one of dem hi clestrol dites an Ah'm not suppose to hav butter." "Maybe Ah should call Marie, long distant, an ax her wat to do." Tibodeaux say, "Mais, Boudreaux, you suppose to be a man. Can't you make up you own mine wedder you want da butter or not?" "Dat's correct?" answer Boudreaux, "Ah tink Ah'll jus have dat butter on mah toste, me." After dey finish brekfas, da waiter comes wit da check an Tibodeaux say, "Give da check to him an point to Boudreaux." Boudreaux say, " Mais, Tibodeaux, why should Ah pay da whole bill, you ate too?" Tibodeaux say, "Cuz, if you don't pay, Ah'm gonna tell Marie bout dat butter!"

 
Da las Crawfish

   Boudreaux wuz very, very ole an he wuz in bed, dyin of ole age. As he lay dere he start to smell da aroma of crawfish boiling out in da yard. He love boil crawfish so much, an his las desire is to eat jus a couple a more boil crawfish before he die. He roll hisself out of da bed, fall on da floor an crawl hisself out to da yard where his wife, Marie, is boiling sum crawfish. There is a batch already finish sittin on da piknik table so Boudreaux, him, he crawl hisself to da piknik table, pull hisself up wit his las remaining strent, an reach out to get hisself a crawfish. Jus den, Marie, his wife, slap his hand wit da crawfish stirrin paddle. Boudreaux say, "Eee Ya Yai, wat you do dat fa?" Marie say, "Leeve dem alone, dey fa da funeral!"

 
Tibodeaux Is Down On His Luck

   Boudreaux walk into da bar de udder day an he see Thibodeaux sittin dere drinkin beer, an lookin real sad. Being good friens, Boudreaux ax, "Mais, wat you problem, Thibodeaux, mais frien?" Thibodeaux say, "Tree monts ago, mah Mama die, an she lef me ten tousan dollar." Boudreaux, say, "Mais, dat's tuff." Thibodeaux say, "Den two monts ago, mah GranPapa die, an he lef me twenty tousan dollar." Boudreaux say, "Oh, Thibodeaux, I can understan why you feelin so bad. Losin both you Mama an you GranPapa in two monts. Dat's real sad." Thibodeaux tell him, "An den last mont, mah uncle Jean Pierre die, an he lef me anudder fifteen tousan dollar." Boudreaux say, " Thibodeaux, dat's terrible. Tree close family member in tree monts. Mais I can understan why you so down in de dumps." Thibodeaux say, "Oh dat's not wat's so bad. Wat's bad is, so far dis mont--nuttin!"

Cajun Huntin’

   Boudreaux and Thibadeaux were draggin' a deer back toward dere truck when anudder hunter happened upon them. The veteran hunter said "I don't want to tell you what to do, but it's easier if you drag the deer in the other direction so the antlers don't dig into the ground." After the other hunter left, Boudreaux and Thibadeaux decided dey had nothing to lose if dey tried it his way. After a while Boudreaux said: "Man, dat guy wuz sho right. Dis is easier." "Yeah," replied Thibadeaux, "but we keep gittin farder and farder away fum da truck.”

 
Lost in da woods

   Boudreaux and Thibodeaux went huntin'and got lost in the woods. When Boudreaux began lamentin' dere fate, Thibodeaux said, "You know, I heard that the best thing to do if you get lost is to fire tree shots in da air." So dey did dat, and waited a while. When no rescue party showed up, dey fired tree more shots in da air. Finally, when dere was still no response, Thibodeaux said, "Well, I guess we better fire tree more shots." "OK, if you say so," said Boudreaux. "But somebody better come soon--we about out of arrows!"

 

Which way to New Iberia 

  Boudreaux was out hoein' his garden when a big Cadillac wit Texas plates drive up.  "Is this the way to New Iberia?" asked the driver.  "Mais yeah, it is" says Boudreaux. ”Jus’ keep on going...it's about 10 miles.”  The driver says to Boudreaux  ”You got a nice spread here.”  Boudreaux replies.” Well, it's jus’ tree acres...but it's all mine.”  The driver says  ”Back on my spread in Texas, I get in my pickup before daybreak and don't get to the other end till after dark.”  Boudreaux responds ”You know, I had a truck like that once...I traded it in.”

Pierre and Marie in New York 

  Pierre & Marie moved to New York.  One night in da dark of winter, dere was an alert on da TV.  Major snowstorm moving in.  It was advised that everyone park on da right side of da road because da snow machines was going to be blowing da snow to the lef.  So...Pierre went out an moved his car to da right side of da road. A few days later, anudder alert..  anudder major snowstorm.  Everybody was advise to move deir cars to da lef side of da road because da snow machines was going to blow da snow to da right.  Boudreaux went out and moved his car to da lef side of da road.  Marie axe him, “Mais Pierre....why don't you jus’ leave dat car in da garage.
 

More jokes comming soon!